Scene: Abdul & the Lost Boys - A madrassa somewhere in the Afghani desert

ENTER: Abdul
(Abdul's Soliloquy "To Be or Not To Be a Martyr")

ENTER: The Lost Boys

ABDUL:
Are you ready for today's lesson?

LOST BOYS:
Yes, Abdul!

Song to be sung to the tune of "I Won't Grow Up"

ABDUL:
Listen to your teacher. Repeat after me:
I won't blow up,
(I won't blow up)
I don't want to go to school.
(I don't want to go to school)
Just to learn to be a bomber,
(Just to learn to be a bomber)
Suiciding silly fool.
(Suiciding silly fool)
If blowing up means
It would be impossible to have a family,
I'll never blow up, never blow up, never blow up
Not me!
Not I,
Not me!
Not me!
I won't blow up,
(I won't blow up)
I don't want to wear a bomb.
(I don't want to wear a bomb)
And a serious expression
(And a serious expression)
As I murder someone's Mom.
(As I murder someone's Mom)
And if it means I must prepare
Some dynamite inside my underwear,

I'll never blow up, never blow up, never blow up
Not me,
Not I,
Not me!
So there!

Never be a girlie-man,
I won't!
Like to see somebody try
And make me.
Anyone who wants to try
And turn me to a girlie-man,
Catch me if you can.
I won't grow up.
Not a penny will I pinch.
I will never grow a mustache,
Or a fraction of an inch.
'Cause if it made me so PC
I couldn't urinate behind a tree.
I'll never blow up, never blow up, never blow up,
No sir,
Not I,
Not me,
So there!